This Southern Belle's Musings

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Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Welcome To Bizarro-Land! 

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Sponge-Bob Square-Pants!
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
Sponge-Bob Square-Pants!
If nautical nonsense be something you wish,
Sponge-Bob Square-Pants!
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
Sponge-Bob Square-Pants!
Sponge-Bob Square-Pants, Sponge-Bob Square-Pants,
Sponge-Bob Square-Pants!
Sponge-Bob Square-Paaaaannttss!!!

~ Captain & Kids
Spongebob Squarepants Theme Song

Things That Make You Go . . . hmmmmmmmm

As a card-carrying naturalized citizen of Bizzaro-Land, you must first refuse to accept the "ideal" that there is something called "normal."     Normal does not exist.     Normal is merely your own vain attempts to make the occurrences around you something that can be processed and acknowledged as acceptable to your perceptions of reality.

Of course, in Bizzaro-Land, those limits and attempts are futile.

So any occurrence, even if considered strange, incomprehensible, or unbelievable can -- and will -- ultimately occur in Bizzaro-Land.     It is just a matter of time before you discard your perceptions of reality, as they are useless -- and simply a waste of time and energy -- in this world.

And, please don't expect the strange and unusual to be spaced out in reasonable allotments peppered with some semblance of normalcy.     That would defeat the purpose of Bizzaro-Land, wouldn't it?     You never know what will happen -- or when it will happen . . . you just have to be prepared for anything!

Take for example this past Saturday.     Seemingly a decent day of the week, wouldn't you agree?     After weeks of cold weather, and a snowfall that refused to vanish completely even after three weeks time, Friday and Saturday were gorgeous.     Sun-filled days and sixty-degree temperatures -- not what you would expect in the Mid-Atlantic region in late February -- but, a hint that Spring may well be on the way.

Distracted by the warm weather and sunny skies, I foolishly thought that I could attempt an afternoon of normal errands and such.     I first sent a quick text-message to my best friend who was on his way to softball practice for his company softball team.     Simple and to the point -- "Be Careful, and Don't Get Hurt!"     Something just said "send-this-message" and, not one to ignore the voices in my head; I did as I was told.

Then, I had the opportunity to chat by phone with a new friend that I met online.     As I was driving (approximately a 50 minute drive to my destination), he and I chatted about this-n-that, comparing notes on life in an alternate universe.     As I was nearing my destination -- probably ten minutes away -- I came to a stop at a traffic light.     You have to keep in mind that the road I was traveling isn't considered a main thoroughfare, but is one of two routes to travel from Point "A" to Point "B."     Sitting at the traffic light, I heard a tapping on my passenger side window. I turned to look, and this is what I saw:

waving, and blowing kisses at me.

Now, I could understand if Mr. Squarepants was promoting some event, or waving a banner, or some such activity.     But, no, he was merely standing on the street corner, waving at the passersby, knocking on my car window, and blowing kisses at me.     In any other universe, I might consider this strange.     But, in Bizzaro-Land, this is merely another example of an everyday occurrence.

From that point, I stopped at my first destination, was presented with different information than originally expected, so I reconsidered my plans and diverted to the nail salon instead.    There's nothing like a manicure to re-center yourself.     On the way to the salon, I rang up another friend of mine -- to catch up on her day, as well as to share my recent Spongebob experience.     Since she is also a resident of Bizzaro-Land, she understood completely.

While in the salon, I failed to hear my cell phone ringing -- darned Asian soap opera on the tele (much too loud and totally "foreign" in language) -- so when I reached my car; I was greeted with that all-too-familiar message alert sound.     I called my voicemail and had a message from my best friend -- you remember him -- the guy practicing softball.     It seems he had been injured during practice and was on his way to the emergency room with something torn in his knee.     I had only missed the call by about ten minutes but, when I tried to return the call, I just reached his voicemail.     "Text-Message Foreshadowing."

I had a dinner date, so I headed on to the restaurant.     While waiting in the sea of Saturday evening "elbows-&-a-holes" at the bar, my phone rang again.     My friend was out of the ER, diagnosed with torn ligaments and a strained cartilage in his right knee, in a walking cast and on a pair of crutches.     Luckily, the ER doctor saw fit to inject his bum with a cocktail of Demerol and Phenagrin, and he was floating in and out of consciousness while being chauffeured home.   I told him to go home and rest; I would ring him on Sunday.

Toss all of these events into the mix, consider that only three hours had passed, and you can see why life -- in Bizzaro-Land -- is not for the faint of heart!

current mood:  Busy, hectic (work-filled) day ahead
current music:  Spongebob Squarepants Soundtrack CD
(c) 2004 A Southern Belle's Life

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