[Opening narration]
Annie Savoy:   I believe in the Church of Baseball.    I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones.     I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan.     I know things.     For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball.     When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance.     But it just didn't work out between us.     The Lord laid too much guilt on me.     I prefer metaphysics to theology.     You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex.     There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career.     Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate.    Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle.     You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys.     I can expand their minds.     Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen.     'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay.     I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty.     'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games.    Sometimes it seems like a bad trade.     But bad trades are part of baseball - now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake?    It's a long season and you gotta trust.    I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.