This Southern Belle's Musings

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Saturday, February 04, 2006

Mistress of the Dark . . . 

elviraOkay, confession time.     One of my idols is Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.     Cassandra Peterson's life story is a really amazing one - even without the Elvira persona tossed in.     For everything you might want to know about Elvira, check out her official website.

For fun, here's some of Elvira's "Beauty Tips" from her "Dress for Excess" page:
Naturally, when you're as beautiful and glamorous as me, people are just dying to get your recipe for success ... but there's no need to go to such an extreme.
With a little thought and a few bucks even you can look almost as good as me.

Rule #1:  Black clothing is very important.    Not only will you look totally hip and cool, but you can wear the same outfit for months and the dirt and stains will never show.
Rule #2:  Black is always the best color for evening, because no one will be able to see you on dark streets, so you can walk home alone from that special party without fear of being mugged.*
Rule #3:  Remember that a little rubber and a few metal studs will add a sophisticated touch to all your lingerie.
Rule #4:  Cleavage is two of the most important things a girl can own.     If you don't happen to have my attributes, you certainly have my condolences.     But don't give up!     You can make your own cleavage by using a pair of your brother's old gym socks to push up what you've got.     Or, if there's nothing there to push up, try doing 50,000 bust exercises every morning or just draw on some cleavage using a magic marker.     Be creative.
IMPORTANT FASHION NEWS: Hats are OUT - Big hair is IN!

Rule #5:  Be thrifty.    As my friend "Leatherface" once said, dressing well need not cost you an arm and a leg.     I do all my shopping at K-Mart. I mean, where else can you stop off on your way out for the evening and pick up a polyester leisure suit, garter belt and a rubber hose all under one roof?
Rule #6:    Dress to kill, not just to maim.    Clothing is very important.    Think about it, without clothing you'd be walking around naked.

Now get out there darling, and knock 'em dead!
Why be a fashion victim when you can commit fashion homicide?

*Of course, black isn't the only color that's appropriate to wear.
Blue goes well as a coordinating color, but stay away from people who are into S&M.

-- courtesy of the official website
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

I think for a woman of fifty-five, she is absolutely great-looking (for any age), and that is just totally heterosexual envy!     She's funny, and smart, and beautiful - she doesn't take herself seriously, and she just has fun with everything that she does.     What a great gig if you can get it, huh?!?

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Susan Reno-Gilliland, known as "Miss Kitty," an Irish lass, a true Southern Belle; a writer, photographer, animal-lover, dreamer, stargazer, totally tangled (or is that entangled?) in relationships, slightly obsessive iNFp with stories to tell!    . . . (fascinated by forensics, human behavior, pushing all the right buttons of men I find interesting, and seeking utterly-sweet revenge without any repercussions.)     I am a Friday's Child.    Friday's Child is loving & giving.
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